Yep, I've been quiet, but at last I am ready to post something...
So I'm back. Honestly it hasn't been easy being back. I kinda expected things to be different because I've grown, only to find myself making the same mistakes, falling in the same traps, hurting in the same way, and then getting frustrated and disappointed that this is happening, cause my 6 months away was not an Act yet why am I struggling.
Fortunately sometime between coming home and now, God has been stirring to mind some lessons I learnt the hard way in my 6 months, and now its time to apply it in this environment. Also the meaning of a scripture I never really understood...
Matthew 11:12 (NIV)
12From the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it.
Matthew 11:12 (NKJV)
12 And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and the violent take it by force.
...Finally makes sense. I've got to win it here...Even though I've grown and learnt somethings, it's almost like weapons, or tools that I've acquired and now I have got to win it back in my old environment, back where the struggle was. And by force. It doesn't come easy. This was a surprise to me, but as I am now beginning to apply what I learnt it is beginning to get easier...
So what was the major lessons I learnt:
1) Consider it Pure Joy when you face trials of many kinds... Endurance,Joy, Maturity. God matures me through the trials, don't despise the trials, thank God, he wouldnt allow it if he wasn't going to use it to grow me. It doesnt come easy but eventually you get it. Like been struggling with some relationships since being back. Today I finally prayed. Lord I surrender this situation to me, even though it hurts and I can't see a solution, and it seems like things never change, Lord I know you are in control and I choose to trust you, trust that you know more than me, trust that you are in control. And that you will show me the next step, despite what was said, or what happened, the battle is yours Lord.
2) Surrender to God. - covered a bit in point no.1. Stop trying to fix things, understand things, it's tiring, frustrating and can make you sick. Give it to God. Let him do what he does best, Trust Him, If you given it to him, it is in good hands.
3) Serve. You'll find as you do the above God starts to soften your heart to pray even for the people hurting you or see them in a different light. Begin to ask God how you can be a blessing to them, sometimes you may see an opportunity, sometimes the opportunity presents itself to you to help out or do something to the very person who broke your heart. That is a God moment...Serve.
4)Accept. a) Accept yourself,for who God has made you, with strengths and weaknesses...When You can say this is Me and God accepts me and so do I, you stop trying so hard to please others cause you know who you are, and their not liking you doesn't matter so much as before cause you are you. But when you don't accept yourself (or maybe you think you have,but really depend on others opinions alot more), everything others say makes you second guess or question yourself and people pick that up and even hurt you even more. But when you know who you are, you got your power back :) and even just relationships with others are easier cause you're not expecting so much from them (validation, approval,etc)...
b) Also Accept people for who they are...This also helps alot. Once you accept this person, this leader, is like that and thats who they are that is their weakness that is their strength and I accept them for who they are, it becomes easier too to relate and not be so judgemental. People will change on their own time, when God reveals it to them, if you told them once and they're still like that you either accept them or move on, but once you accept them, once you,as someone once preached, see the gold in them and not just the dust, it becomes so much easier. Yes that person swears, lies, gossips, is very rude,hurtful but that is just the dust, they are also there through the tough times, Loving God lots, etc... Hold on to the Gold. and you also not so surprised by the dust, when it comes cause you have accepted that person warts and all. but as long as I'm expecting that person not to have warts, everytime they do something wrong either you take it hard, or you become judgemental. And then you are sinning too.
I've seen when I let the wall up to protect myself from others who have hurt me, after a while I notice I am not having breakthrough with God, because the wall I build holds him out too. I know forgiving and trusting again isn't easy...with God's help you do eventually get there as you realise God is using this trial to strengthen and mature you, as you surrender your life, the situation, your emotions to God,as you pray for and/or serve the people that hurt you and as you accept yourself and them for who God made them... You eventually will get through...
Currently I am finding myself slowly go through this process and it really does get easier to handle. Not immediately even I am far from through, but I know God knows and I know that he is making me a mature, wiser person and a winner and lover of all people. And I know there is the potential inside me to do the right thing so I will get there. By His Grace, with him... Hope you have learnt something from this and if not life may eventually teach you it too :)
Love,
Chandré
